


daydream

by bambinotame



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Volleyball, very haikyuu inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambinotame/pseuds/bambinotame
Summary: The first thing Johnny noticed about Jaehyun is that he was very pretty, almost like a painting, and that he smelled like flowers.The second thing he noticed was that despite having been pulled straight from tryouts and placed into a regular position, he looked like he’d rather be anywhere than there in the gym with the rest of the team.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, the teeniest crumb of implied hyuckhei
Comments: 7
Kudos: 146





	daydream

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! After almost a year, the fic writing machine is up and running again so I'm really hoping to be able to share more with you all!
> 
> Inspiration behind this was rewatching Haikyuu at 3 in the morning and going "Ah! Johnny as Kuroo!"  
> little warning ahead: the extent of my volleyball knowledge really just comes from Haikyuu so if there are any inaccuracies, please forgive me ;;; 
> 
> Also a big thank you to Nini, my bhai, my bro, my platonic soulmate, for being my sounding board and beta'ing, I love you <3

The first thing Johnny noticed about Jaehyun is that he was very pretty, almost like a painting, and that he smelled like flowers. 

The second thing he noticed was that despite having been pulled straight from tryouts and placed into a regular position, he looked like he’d rather be anywhere than there in the gym with the rest of the team. 

He’d been picked as the replacement setter for Taeil, who’d left the team towards the end of last year after getting into the music program he’d been preparing for since he finished his military service. 

Jaehyun had been impressive at tryouts, maybe lacking a little in the teamwork department, but full of raw potential that the coaches couldn’t stop raving about. Anyone would’ve been over the moon with all the praises he’d received (and continued to receive), but all he did was accept them with a curt bow and a stiff “thank you”. 

It was especially stark in comparison to the first years that also made their way into regular positions; they were practically glowing with excitement. 

There was Wong Yukhei, who went by Lucas, an impressive middle blocker that Johnny saw taking over his spot once he graduated, and Mark Lee, who’d joined as a libero with Yuta’s recommendation. 

They were both still a little rough around the edges from lack of training and experience, but Johnny knew that they’d all become an important part of the team, especially after graduation rolled around. 

Despite knowing it was what the team needed, Johnny couldn’t help but feel a little bitter that Taeil had been replaced so easily. It hurt a little, thinking about how matches would be for his final year, looking to the side for the setter and seeing someone that wasn’t Taeil, who he’d connected with almost immediately. 

He was still incredibly happy for his friend though, who’d managed to get one step closer to fulfilling his dreams. Getting into such a prestigious program meant he no longer had time to play volleyball, and while Johnny understood that completely, a small part of him couldn’t help but feel sad that it also meant they wouldn’t be able to spend as much time together as they used to. 

It was all a little complicated, to say the least. 

✲✲✲ 

“Hey,” Taeyong approached him quietly. “How’re you doing?” 

Johnny sighed, holding back the urge to roll his eyes. The older regulars had all been tiptoeing around him for the past two weeks. Like he was going to fall off the deep end because one of his closest friends wasn’t his setter anymore. 

It really wasn’t that bad. He wanted to finish off his final year with a good run through tournaments, and while that would’ve been a piece of cake with Taeil, he knew that he could make it happen with their new lineup too. 

“Fine.” 

Taeyong shifted slightly, dark eyes observing the team running their laps, bottom lip caught tight between his teeth. He was clearly trying to figure out how to broach the subject. 

“It’s been a couple weeks now, since the new regulars joined…” 

While Johnny appreciated the vice captain’s concern, this was starting to get a little ridiculous. 

“And?” he prodded. 

“How do you feel? About Jaehyun?” 

“He’s good,” Johnny emphasized. “So are Mark and Lucas.” 

“Yeah, but...I know you and Taeil-hyung were the dream team, it can’t be easy losing that your final year. But it really is for the best, you know? I think Jaehyun’s going to make a really great setter-” 

“I know that, Tae, oh my god. I’m just a little sad that Taeil-hyung won’t be around as often as he used to, that’s all.” 

This time Johnny couldn’t mask any of the exasperation he’s feeling, and Taeyong grimaced a bit in response. 

“Okay, that’s fair. The rest of us feel the same, but all that aside, how do you feel about Jaehyun?” 

Johnny looked back at the team, who’d finished their laps and were preparing the court for practice while chattering. He noticed how Jaehyun doesn’t participate, just stays quiet and helps set up with that reserved expression of his. 

“It’s complicated.” 

With that he ran over to the team to officially begin practice, and was careful to avoid contact with Taeyong’s knowing gaze, as well as the questioning ones the rest of the regulars sent him. 

✲✲✲ 

“Johnny-hyung~” 

Johnny grinned as Donghyuck launched himself into his arms, picking the boy up into a tight hug and swinging him around. 

“How’s it going? I’ve been keeping up with the acapella team’s Facebook page, but you guys haven’t posted in ages,” he greeted as he finally set the boy down. 

“That’s because we’re working on something really big,” Donghyuck boasted. “You’ll see when it’s ready, we’re gonna blow you away.” 

Donghyuck was a first year student that he had met during the summer when he volunteered as a staffer to greet the incoming freshman. They’d hit it off during the 3 days of the welcome program, and when Johnny learned that the boy was taking summer classes while staying in a hall incredibly close to his own, he took it upon himself to take the boy out to lunch every now and then. 

He was like the little brother he’d always wanted, and the two regularly met up for meals, most of the time with the younger swiping Johnny into the freshman eatery, much like today. 

They walked through the eatery, piling their plates up before finding a small table in the corner to sit at. 

“So,” Donghyuck started after a while. “I heard you got a new setter.” 

Johnny choked on his mouthful of pizza. 

“How do you even know about that?” 

“Oh Johnny-hyung,” the young shook his head slowly. “You should know by now; the great Lee Donghyuck knows all.” 

Johnny shot him a withering look, and he sighed dramatically. 

“Mark and Lucas are both in my hall. I can’t believe I had to hear about this from those two knuckleheads, and not you! I thought I was your little brother, hyung? What happened to trust and love between two siblings?” 

“Yeah, we got a new setter. What’s so interesting about that?” Johnny gave in wearily. 

“Well, for starters, even though I didn’t get to meet him before he transferred, it was pretty obvious how close you and Taeil-hyung were. You guys were super in tune, like Jaeger pilots. You’re like a Mako Mori losing her Yancy Beckett.” 

“...A what?” 

“Ughh, never mind, hyung, you’re ancient,” Donghyuck groaned. “What I mean is that Taeil-hyung was like...practically your soulmate on the court. You guys got each other on a different level when it came to playing games, and now that’s gone and you have to work with someone that you don’t know at all. And you’re not doing too good at hiding how much you don’t like that.” 

Johnny winced at that. He thought he had been able to put on a good enough act to calm the newer members, but it seemed that he’d failed miserably. 

As if hearing his thoughts, Donghyuck nodded. 

“Honestly, hyung, if even Mark Lee can tell you’re uncomfortable, you’re doing really bad at hiding it. That dude is like..a brick wall.” 

Johnny sighed again, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. 

“It’s just weird,” he admitted. “I’ve played with Taeil-hyung for so long that when I look over and see someone that’s not him, it pulls me out of the zone.” 

Donghyuck hummed, observing the older man carefully. 

“Does he make you uncomfortable? Not because he’s replacing Taeil-hyung, but in general?” 

Johnny stilled at that, thinking. 

He’d been tiptoeing around Jaehyun, that was true. The setter wasn’t exactly intimidating, but something about him made Johnny hold his breath for a little too long and his heart beat a little too fast. 

It wasn’t anxiety, but something akin enough that it had him always on edge. It didn’t help that Jaehyun just didn’t seem to want to talk aside from asking or answering questions about volleyball. 

“Not uncomfortable, exactly,” he finally spoke. “It’s just hard to tell what he’s thinking.” 

He was just so used to being in tune with Taeil, he rationalized. It just felt a little weird to suddenly be so out of sync with his setter. 

Donghyuck sighed at that, and seemingly gave up, as he demanded that Johnny buy him bubble tea as payment for his services. 

✲✲✲ 

Johnny decided that before they graduate, he needed to buy Taeyong something amazing. 

The vice captain was incredible; he’d slowly managed to coerce Jaehyun into talking with the rest of the team, and now the setter was constantly seen with someone. Albeit, that someone else always started the conversation, but now he was readily participating in group conversations and even spending time with them outside of practice. 

They were all out together for dinner at a nice all-you-can-eat restaurant, and Johnny watched as Mark excitedly babbled away into Jaehyun’s ear about something at the other end of the table. 

Jaehyun just listened, a small smile on his face. Every now and then he said something in response that caused Mark to let out a peal of laughter. 

Jaehyun looked cute when he smiled, Johnny found himself thinking . He had pronounced dimples and his eyes curved into little half moons, and he looked incredibly soft, a stark difference to his usually serious expression. 

Johnny wondered for a brief second how it would feel to be the reason behind that smile, and almost sent his bowl of rice toppling onto his lap. He could feel the withering look Taeyong sends him from his right and cleared his throat sheepishly. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, and pushed the bowl a little further away from the edge. 

“You know, instead of always watching him, you could go talk to him,” Taeyong said lightly. 

“I do talk to him,” Johnny whined. “I talk to him all the time at practice!” 

Taeyong rolled his eyes and deposited more samgyeopsal onto his plate. 

“You know what I mean. You can talk to him outside of volleyball, actually get to know him better. He’s just kind of shy, Johnny. He’s honestly really cute.” 

Johnny looked back to where Jaehyun was sitting, now watching something on Jungwoo’s phone. He glanced up, as if feeling Johnny’s gaze on him, and they made eye contact. They stare at each other for what’s only a brief moment, but to Johnny it felt like an eon. 

Right as he was about to look away, the setter sent him a smile and the tiniest wave, dimples prominent even across the long table. 

Johnny smiled and waved back, and tried desperately to ignore how his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. 

✲✲✲ 

Johnny was sitting at the campus cafe trying to finish a paper when his thoughts strayed to Jaehyun again. 

The dinner from a few nights ago still weighed on his mind, how in the end he hadn’t been able to bring himself to talk to the younger man, despite having taken the same train home. At his stop he’d just left with a strangled goodbye, leaving Jaehyun behind with a strange, almost forlorn tinge to his impassive features. 

He sighed loudly and shoved his laptop forward to bury his head in his hands. Johnny prided himself on his sociability; it was easy for him to talk to people, so why was it that whenever he was faced with Jaehyun it took everything within him just to talk about sports? 

At the rate he was going, he was starting to see why so many people around him thought he hated the poor setter. 

“Johnny-hyung,” a soft voice called from behind. He turned to see Jaehyun standing behind him, an apprehensive expression on his face. 

“Hey,” he said breathlessly. “Fancy seeing you here.” And proceeded to wince. _Fancy seeing you here?_ They attended the same university. 

To his credit, Jaehyun didn’t bat a lash; he seemed far too nervous to have even properly processed the ridiculousness of the statement. 

“I saw you from the line, so I thought I’d say hi after I got my food,” he said, and Johnny can’t help but fawn over how sweet he looked, all soft and cuddly in his baby pink hoodie and unstyled bangs. 

“Do you have class soon? Come and sit,” Johnny gestured to the empty seat at the table he’d procured. 

Jaehyun’s face softened into a smile and he sat down, setting his bag down next to him. 

“I just realized,” he started, gesturing towards Johnny’s laptop. “I don’t know what your major is.” 

“Oh, just journalism. Nothing special,” Johnny laughed awkwardly. _Why was it so hard to hold a simple conversation?_

“I think it suits you,” Jaehyun said, so earnestly that Johnny feels his face burn a bright red. 

“Thanks,” he took a sip of his coffee, looking away from the younger man. “What about you?”<br>

His paper was all but forgotten at this point, all he could see, hear, think of was Jaehyun. Jaehyun with his cute pink sweater and fluffy unstyled hair and whipped around whenever he flicked his head to get a stray strand out of his eyes, soft cheeks and little dimples that centered them. 

Jaehyun who smiled at him all pretty and soft and shy, belied by his sculpted figure and raw strength. 

It wasn’t until later in the week, in the middle of a colloquium, that Johnny realized with a dreamy sigh that that had been the first time he’d spoken to Jaehyun about something other than volleyball. 

✲✲✲ 

Their team was set to play a practice match against the EXO Wolves, another division 2 team in the area. Johnny had some friends on the team, and he was eager to see them after quite some time. 

His happy mood dampened slightly when the coach pulled him aside with a concerned look on his face. 

“I know it’s just a practice match, but let’s try and put out Jaehyun instead of Jungwoo today.” 

Jungwoo was a pinch server who had also been practicing to be a setter for a while, but Jaehyun had been picked over him during the summer tryouts. 

Why the coach was bringing this up though, Johnny wasn’t sure. 

“Yeah...that’s how it’s already set up, Coach.” 

“Oh, okay! Good, good. I was just a little worried, since Jaehyun doesn’t seem that used to working with you just yet.” 

Johnny sighed. Jaehyun still seemed to have a little trouble properly integrating himself into the team, but his passes were gradually starting to connect more and more. It was only a matter of time before they were properly in tune with each other, he thought. 

The two of them had been working together much more frequently as of late, and while there had been massive improvements on a team scale, Johnny found himself still clamming up when it came to talking to Jaehyun about anything outside of volleyball. 

“Yeah, maybe. But that’s honestly something that can be fixed by him continuing to practice with us. This game is gonna be a good way to start,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about anything, coach. He’s nice and he works hard, he’ll fit right in once he gets to know us.” 

The coach beamed at him, and Johnny felt a little better knowing that at least one person understood where he was coming from. 

He joined the team in their laps around the gym, warming up before the match started. Sehun, a close friend and a member of the Wolves, sped up a little, until he was keeping pace with Johnny. 

“Long time no see,” he greeted with a small smile. “You got some new regulars.” 

“Yep! Lucas and Mark for the two seniors that quit before final exams, and Jaehyun for when Taeil-hyung transferred.” 

Sehun let out a hum, eyeing Johnny. He’d always been a bit of an enigmatic individual, Johnny thought. He was never one to really hide what he was feeling, but his face always had a hint of impassivity that made it a little hard to really figure out what it was. 

“How do you feel about that?” he asked and this time Johnny didn’t hold back and his eyes rolled so hard it hurt for a brief second. 

It earned a loud, obnoxious laugh from Sehun that echoed a little, earning some glances from all the players. 

“Well?” he prodded mercilessly. 

“It’s fine,” Johnny grumbled. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? You’re all acting like I’m bullying him or something.” 

“It’s just that you were really close to Taeil-hyung. And when he announced that he was going to quit you weren’t exactly low-key about how upset you were.” 

“Yeah, because Taeil-hyung was quitting and transferring schools and it meant I wasn’t going to be able to see him as often anymore,” Johnny huffed. “I’m not gonna refuse to work with Jaehyun because he happened to make it from tryouts right after that.” 

“We know that, you drama queen,” now Sehun rolled his eyes. “It’s just a little hard to take your words at face value when you just freeze and look like a statue every time you’re around him.” 

Johnny flinched at that, pace faltering for a moment. 

“Am I really that awkward around him?” he whispered. 

The withering look his friend sent him has him feeling like something curled up and died inside him. 

“It’s horrible,” Sehun didn’t hold back any punches. “You always look like you can’t decide whether you wanna run away from him or just start making out with him in front of everyone.” 

Johnny let out a strangled noise at that. Sehun just rolled his eyes. 

“I know you, dude. I’ll be honest, based on what everyone else told me, I thought that maybe you just didn’t like him and couldn’t hide it. But seeing you now, I’m seeing that it’s more you just have a fat crush on him and can’t hide it.” 

With that he sped up and left Johnny behind, simmering in his own thoughts. 

The match wasn’t anything too remarkable; EXO had always been a formidable team, and with a lineup that had been playing together for about 3 years, it was no surprise when they won the practice match. 

Johnny smiled as he watched Lucas eagerly ask for pointers from Chanyeol, the team’s middle blocker. Mark was doing the same with Jongin, the libero. He thought they were incredibly cute, with all their childlike enthusiasm and bright personalities. 

Jaehyun didn’t seem all too interested in interacting with the other team. Instead he bound up to Johnny with a pinched expression. 

“Johnny-hyung, how did I do?” Johnny can’t help but balk; Jaehyun had never approached him for his opinion before, only accepting pointers whenever they were offered to him. 

It took him a moment to gather his thoughts and actually respond, especially when the setter was standing so close and peering up at him through his sweat-dampened fringe. 

“You were good,” he said lamely. So lame that Jaehyun’s expression fell blank, before dropping further into that almost forlorn expression he had on the train a few weeks ago. He scrambled to continue. 

“That move you pulled off with Yuta was really impressive; you’ve always been pretty good, but I didn’t expect you to pull something like that off so quickly. So...good job.” 

“Even though we lost?” Jaehyun asked, and his voice cracked ever so slightly. 

Johnny couldn’t help but notice how childlike he seemed in that moment. 

“It’s just a practice match! Don’t take it to heart too much,” he reassured, reaching out to pat Jaehyun on the shoulder. “We still have some time to practice before the tournament so we’ll try to iron out whatever we can by then.” 

Jaehyun gnawed at his lower lip, expression vague. He didn’t seem to be very happy with the response, and something in him curled up, desperate to find any words that would bring a happier expression to light. 

Instead he stood there quietly, hand resting on the setter’s shoulder. After a beat, Jaehyun sighed and nodded. 

“Thank you,” he mumbled, giving Johnny the soft, shy smile that made him want to pat him on the head. He gave into the urge, even ruffling his hair a bit, and earned a smile that was a little brighter. 

He dropped his hand from Jaehyun’s head, and hesitated a split second, contemplating. 

_To hell with it,_ he decided, and slung the arm across Jaehyun’s shoulders, tugging him towards the gym entrance. The slightly shorter man complied immediately, pressing himself just a little bit closer so he could drape his own arm around Johnny’s waist. 

“You know,” Johnny said as they approached the bus that would take them back to campus. “Sehun’s been a setter since middle school. You could ask him for some tips you want.” 

Jaehyun wrinkled his nose slightly at that. 

“I want to know what _you_ think, hyung,” he said, so earnestly that Johnny had to look away. 

Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice, just gesturing for the captain to get onto the bus before following. 

Just as he settled into his seat on the bus, he received a message from Sehun. He opened it, wondering why his friend couldn’t have just told him whatever it was before he left. 

_oohsehun xx:xx_

_I don’t think ou have to be worried abt him not liking you back._

_*you_

Johnny spluttered, earning an incredibly judgemental side eye from Jungwoo. He sent back his own scowl before responding. 

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_What do you mean?_

_oohsehun xx:xx_

_You mean you didn’t see the way he was glaring at me the entire game T_T_

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_He was probably just focused on the game??_

_He’s super competitive._

_oohsehun xx:xx_

_Look at you standing up for ur bf uwu_

_Not just in sports ;))_

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_Cut it out TToTT_

_I didn’t accidentally spill my feelings to you for you to make fun of me ;;;_

Johnny tossed his phone into his bag with a pout, deciding to ignore his friend for the rest of the day. He instead tuned into the clamoring in the back of the bus, where Jaehyun was caught between another one of Taeyong and Doyoung’s feuds. 

It crossed his mind that he should probably help, but that’s quickly dashed by Jungwoo making his way to the back and settling himself so close to Doyoung that he might as well have been sitting on the spiker’s lap. The smile on his face was vaguely threatening, and it was enough for everyone in the back to go silent for a good minute before changing the topic to something else. 

Johnny decided that that was something he didn’t want to get involved in, and relaxed in his seat, settling down for the ride home. 

It wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that he read Sehun’s new messages. 

_oohsehun xx:xx_

_Whatever lol_

_You’ll see._

✲✲✲ 

While Johnny did think that time flew by a lot quicker than they all would’ve liked, he really hadn’t expected the new members to be _that_ worried about the match. 

Yuta had Mark wrapped up in his arms, so he left it there, while Yukhei was off near the bleachers, talking to someone that suspiciously looked a lot like Donghyuck. That left Jaehyun. 

Who looked even paler than usual, something that Johnny didn’t think would be possible. 

He was standing by the bench with the coach and Doyoung, who were both talking to him in low tones, but it all seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. 

He was nervous, Johnny realized. So nervous that he looks like he’s about to faint. 

Taeyong approached him, brows furrowed. 

“Jaehyun seriously looks like he’s about to throw up,” he whispered into the captain’s ear. “Should we sub him out for the time being? He’s pretty good at serving too, we can switch him with Jungwoo and have him be pinch server for this game.” 

They both look over and Jaehyun, who was now surrounded by practically the whole team, all clamoring and trying their best to calm him down, but it honestly looked like it was just making it worse. 

Johnny decided to step in, stepping forward and nudging the team away so he can reach Jaehyun. He took the setter’s hand and pulled him out and back into the hallway, towards the restrooms. 

They stood there for a beat, letting Jaehyun breathe and focus on calming himself away from the crowded gymnasium. 

“Hey,” Johnny started softly. He squeezed the hand he was still holding and Jaehyun looked up at him, still looking spooked. “You’re gonna do just fine, okay? Just think of it like a practice match.” 

“But if we lose, we’re out of the tournament,” Jaehyun said, eyes blown wide like they’d die right there on the court if they lost. 

Johnny stifled a laugh. He can’t help but think that this was something he should’ve seen coming, considering how hard Jaehyun always went during practice. He hated losing _so much_ that the thought of it was almost making him sick. 

“So we won’t lose,” Johnny said. “As easy as that.” 

Jaehyun blinked, expression clearing. That wasn’t what he expected to hear, so it clearly threw him by surprise, enough so that his mind just went completely blank. 

But Johnny was smiling at him, and looked so confident. Confident that they were going to win, that he was going to do just fine. 

He took a deep breath, feeling light and airy, no longer weighed down by the fear of messing up and throwing the game for the team. His heart was still racing, but now at how much trust the team seemed to be putting in him, how much trust _Johnny_ had in him. 

He smiled up at the man, and felt his heart race just a little bit faster when Johnny’s own smile widened. 

“I’m ready,” he said, and the two of them head back to the gym, where the rest of the team greeted them eagerly. 

The match played out like Johnny expected it too; it was incredibly close and they just barely scraped by, but it was a more than satisfying victory nonetheless because they did it with three fresh new players who’d never played an official university level match before. 

Lucas still jumped a little too early and Mark a little too late, and Jaehyun’s sets were still a little too consistently inconsistent, but they had done great for their first official match, and Johnny made sure to tell them so. 

The three of them looked like little puppies at the praises they got from the team, and it sent both Johnny and Taeyong laughing until tears formed in their eyes. 

They all head out to get some local street food as a little celebration for their first official match of the season, and if Johnny ruffled Jaehyun’s hair and bought him just a few more skewers than he did for everyone else, no one brought it up. 

✲✲✲ 

It was getting close to winter break, after their first tournament. Johnny was going over the training regimen with the coach; they wouldn’t be able to meet up as a team due to several members leaving to visit family, so the alternative was preparing a routine for members to focus on based on what they individually needed to improve. 

He felt a tug at his wristband and turned to see Jaehyun. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, approaching Johnny for advice. 

He’d opened up a lot in the past few months, and got along rather well with everyone on the team. He was more proactive about asking the coach for directions, asked Taeyong for game plans, approached Yuta so he could practice his serves. He was even starting to approach members outside of club hours, inviting Mark and Lucas out to lunch, Jungwoo to a movie, asking Doyoung to study with him. 

But in the end he always checked in with Johnny, to make sure he was doing things right. 

“You’re doing fine, you know? You don’t have to force yourself to act a certain way or anything like that; we all really like you,” Johnny pressed, worried that the setter’s mind was veering down the wrong path. 

“It’s not like that, hyung. I just like getting your advice.” 

His voice was soft and still tinged by that bashfulness that made him look so reserved, but his expression was a lot more open nowadays. Right now his eyes were filled with almost childlike uncertainty, and it made Johnny want to baby and coddle him, protect this enigmatic boy who was hot and cold, soft and harsh at the same time. 

Instead, he just sighed and nodded. 

“Whenever you want, then.” 

Jaehyun gave him a small smile and ran off, hair bouncing a little at the motion. 

Johnny didn’t realize that he was staring after the man dreamily until Doyoung dramatically cleared his throat from beside him. 

“He’s good,” he said simply. 

Johnny blinked at that. It wasn’t like Doyoung to be so succinct. 

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “He’s doing great, actually.” 

“The two of you pair really well. It’s very different from how you were with Taeil-hyung, but maybe that’s a good thing,” Doyoung studied Johnny’s face carefully as he spoke, clearly looking for something. 

“Different how?” 

Doyoung rolled his eyes at that. A lot of people seemed to be doing that when it came to him and Jaehyun lately. 

“Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose, or if you’re really that obtuse,” he muttered. “Whichever it is, I know you know exactly what I meant.” 

Johnny remained silent. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that all Jaehyun had to do was smile at him, and he’d jump to do whatever that man wanted. He was generally a lot more forward with his feelings, but something about Jaehyun had him hiding everything, and that was what made him the most uncomfortable. 

Jaehyun made him feel vulnerable in a way he wasn’t used to. 

Doyoung, ever observant, seemed to read into his train of thought, and surprisingly took pity on him. 

“It’s a little surprising to see you this insecure. I don’t think it’s really warranted though, and I think you’ll see that soon enough.” 

✲✲✲ 

Johnny would be lying if he said that he wasn’t surprised when Jaehyun messaged him a couple days into winter break, asking what his plans were. After a little back and forth he learns that Jaehyun’s parents are in England for a couple weeks, and he’s home alone for break. 

They spend the break almost entirely together. 

He expected his teammate to still be quiet and reserved, but was pleasantly surprised when Jaehyun was, in his own special way, incredibly talkative. 

He learned what Jaehyun’s favorite foods were, that he could play the piano, that he also liked basketball. He shared things sporadically, like how he fell asleep quickly while they were out eating yukgaejang, and how absolutely positive he was that aliens existed when they were at an ice skating rink. 

“Aliens are real, Johnny-hyung,” he said resolutely. “Like Klingons.” 

Johnny invited him to the weekly lunches he had with Donghyuck, and he was happy to sit back and watch and his two friends become close. 

“He’s really cute, hyung,” Jaehyun said, nose and cheeks pink from the cold. “I like him a lot.” 

You’re really cute too, Johnny wanted to say, but he wisely held his tongue and they continued to spend time together once break ended. 

He gave in every once in a while, though, and played with Jaehyun’s ears, liking how they turn pink whenever he felt embarrassed. 

Later, when he shared this sentiment with Donghyuck, he earned another eye roll (he was starting to get really tired of those) and a dry “So the ‘I can’t tell what he’s thinking’ was really just a ‘I don’t know if he likes me back’.” 

He supposed it was, but with the way his heart raced at the tiniest of gestures, he was more worried about just dropping dead in the middle of a game. 

Not to mention that spring tournament was approaching fast, and along with it, graduation. 

He tentatively broached the subject of Donghyuck and his seemingly random friendship with Lucas. Donghyuck’s face pinkened slightly, but to his credit he wasn’t very flustered otherwise. 

“I don’t think our situations are that similar, hyung,” he said with an almost pitying expression. “I know where I stand with him and so does he.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“We’re not dating _yet_ , but we will. He’s really outgoing and all, but he’s surprisingly shy when it comes to stuff like this, so I’m just waiting for him.” 

Johnny thought about where he stood with Jaehyun, constantly skirting around the man, but indulging himself enough that it was starting to get obvious to everyone around him. 

✲✲✲ 

It doesn’t truly smack him in the face until all the members returned from break, and they met up for a huge dinner party with friends from various teams before the new term started and they were all swamped with wrapping up the year. 

Taeil had visited as well, finding time before his own break ended to drive over. 

Johnny sat off in a corner with the older man, catching up with his close friend and keeping an eye on everyone else. 

Jaehyun and Doyoung were by the grill, doling out food. Jaehyun was laughing at something the latter was saying to Taeyong, expression light and childlike. He felt warm, and tried to convince himself that it was just the countless rounds of soju and beer he’d had. 

“He’s opened up a lot, hasn’t he? Compared to everything that you told me about,” Johnny started at the sudden statement, and glanced at Taeil. His dark eyes were appraising, and Johnny felt as though his friend was peering into his soul. 

He just nodded, turning his gaze back to Jaehyun. 

Taeil was feeling a little merciless, as he continued. 

“You two seem pretty close. He keeps looking over here,” Taeil teased. “Maybe he thinks I’m going to replace him.” 

“Hyung,” Johnny whined. “Cut it out. No one’s replacing anyone.” 

“Oh, I don’t know. You never looked at me like that.” 

Johnny didn’t hear a word, jumping up from his seat in a panic when Doyoung and Taeyong’s roughhousing sent Jaehyun stumbling a little too close to the grill for comfort. 

The two uprighted him almost immediately, expressions contrite, and they settled down, but it took a long while before Johnny’s heart stopped pounding in his throat and he could sit down again. 

He could feel Taeil’s eyes burning into him, and dutifully ignored it in favor of watching the trio by the grill. Just in case. 

“Just friends, huh?” 

“I-it’s a little more complicated than that. But I care about him a lot.” 

Taeil huffed and settled back into his seat, finally letting up but not taking his dark gaze off Johnny as he took another swig of his beer. 

“I guess I can accept that for now. If anything else happens I can just abuse my seniority and find out from everyone else.” 

Johnny got up once he felt his ears burning, deciding now was a good time for him to get rid of his trash. He disposed everything in a nearby trash bag and made his way towards the house. He could feel Taeil staring after him with that infuriating grin of his, and turned to make a face at him, only to stumble over something and go tipping backwards. 

One moment he’s suspended mid fall, lamenting over how the landing was going to leave his back sore for days. The next he’s cradled against a warm body, a curious combination of smoke and flowers wafting into his nose. He must’ve drank a lot more than he’d thought, because between his heart back in his throat from the panic of his fall and someone’s concerned shriek, he’s suddenly incredibly lightheaded. 

He tilted his head back and his eyes almost lost focus at the sight of Jaehyun looking down at him worriedly. The man uprighted him gently, and kept his arms around his waist. 

“Are you okay?” The panic in his voice is tangible, and Johnny felt himself swoon. 

He just stared at Jaehyun, watching the alarm ebb away into concern. 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for that.” 

Jaehyun nodded, but made no move to step away, his hands so warm against his hips that they’re almost burning through the fabric of his pants. 

“Hyung,” he started tentatively. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Johnny blinked rapidly, trying to clear his head. He practically ripped himself out of Jaehyun’s grip and stumbled towards the house. 

Jaehyun frowned and opened his mouth to say something, eyes gleaming like dark jewels against his pale skin. Johnny interrupted him, barely able to hear even himself over the pounding in his ears. 

“Toilet,” he warbled out, brushing past and making a beeline for the bathroom. 

Jaehyun stood in place and watched, frown still deep in place, as though he didn’t understand what had just occurred. 

It hit Johnny as he was splashing cold water onto his face, that nothing in particular had actually occurred. But his heart kept racing, no matter how much water he splashed on his place. 

He tried and failed to convince himself that it was just nerves, an excess of adrenaline from that almost fall. Taeil didn’t say anything when he finally went back outside, and even if he could feel Jaehyun’s gaze on him from across the yard, he acted like he hadn’t noticed. 

At the end of the night, he clambered into the back of Taeil’s car, mind racing a mile a minute. 

“Are you two okay?” he heard Taeil ask. He mumbled out a vague response, lost in his thoughts. 

Things were starting to escalate beyond just ‘complicated’. 

✲✲✲ 

The more Johnny tried to block out, the more he started to notice. 

Jaehyun’s hand was warm. 

His skin was soft despite the hours and hours he put into practice. 

How he’d been able to catch him so easily despite Johnny’s size. 

His face, so visibly concerned, much closer to his than it had ever been before, so close that if he closed his eyes and tried to remember he’d be able to count each individual eyelash. 

How up close, beyond that light perfumey scent of flowers caused by his obsession with candles, he could pick out something a little earthier, closer to sandalwood and green tea. 

The intense recollection kept Johnny wound tight, ready to snap at the tension. He found that his mind started to drift even during class, away from anything that would trigger memories of the event. 

All he could think about now was Jaehyun. He almost dreaded going back to their regular practice schedule, in fear of what foolery he would pull with his new hyperawareness. 

After some consideration he broached the subject with Taeil, who could only laugh at how cliched it all was. 

“You fell into his arms like a main character out of one of Yuta’s romance anime. The universe has everything lined up for you, just go with it.” 

Johnny had huffed at that, and complained about how the older male was no help at all. 

Upon approaching Taeyong during warmups a few days later, he nearly pulled his hair out when the vice captain just told him the same thing. 

“I didn’t realize you suddenly had such a thing for shoujo manga, _hyung,_ ” he ground out bitterly, and felt a tiny bit better when Doyoung cackled from behind at Taeyong’s pink face. 

“Is everything okay?” Jaehyun approached with a small pout, tuned in on the irate expression on Johnny’s face. Jungwoo trailed behind, wanting to know what had made Doyoung laugh so loudly. 

“Nothing, nothing,” he breathed out. “They’re just teasing me about how I almost fell over the other day. Thanks again, by the way. For catching me.” 

“No problem,” Jaehyun said, a little too seriously. “You’re not that heavy, though, hyung.” 

Johnny couldn’t help the snort that bubbled out of him at that; of all things, he hadn’t expected Jaehyun to focus on _that_. 

It served to distract him for a bit, and he was able to get through the rest of practice that day without a hitch. 

In the following days, however, the closer and closer they got to the preliminaries, the more his thoughts became jumbled. 

All he dreamed of was himself being in Jaehyun’s arms, strong and firm around him. He dreamed of holding Jaehyun against him, supple and soft and melting into his embrace. The scent of flowers and tea seemed to follow him wherever he went. 

It all kept building and building, until the hyperawareness became hypersensitivity and he wound tighter and tighter and finally snapped. 

It happened at the last practice before matches began, the tension and stress of the game adding onto everything else. 

He was running through a combination with Jungwoo and Lucas when he felt that all too familiar, all too warm hand tug at his wrist band, and it all bubbled over. 

“A service ace probably won’t be possible with them so- oh, for the love of- _what, Jaehyun?!_ ” 

It came out all too vitriolic, none of the much tamer exasperation he’d actually been feeling, and Johnny felt something cold wash over him as Jaehyun all but ripped his hand away. 

From his peripheral he could see the other two step away in a stunned silence, but all he could focus on was how Jaehyun’s shoulder sunk ever so slightly, how his eyes dimmed just a tad. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to just about anyone else, but to Johnny, it felt like the wall between them that had been steadily crumbling was now repairing itself. 

“Damn...Jaehyun, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” 

He knew that what had just occurred would probably stir up some whispering among the team, and a stern talking to from Taeyong and the coach, but all he could focus on at the moment was Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun shook his head, bangs rustling against his forehead. “No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” 

Johnny frowned, not disagreeing, but nowhere near content to leave Jaehyun like that. He didn't like how he’d worded it, either. It didn’t sit well with him. He sighed and reached out to take the setter’s hand in his, tightening his grip and interlacing their fingers when it twitched, like Jaehyun was going to pull away. 

Ignoring the pang in his heart at the slight gesture, he pushed. 

“I shouldn’t have snapped like that, I’m sorry. But you don’t have to pull at my arm to get my attention, okay?” 

“Okay, hyung,” Jaehyun nodded, expression lightening just like that. 

It threw Johnny off how something as simple as that could leave him breathless and heart racing, but the sight of a happy Jaehyun made him feel light, and it was suddenly so much easier to breathe. 

He couldn’t help but wonder what had run through Jaehyun’s mind throughout that whole exchange, but decided not to press. 

✲✲✲ 

The thoughts running through his own mind were dangerous, Johnny decided. 

In the beginning, it’s the usual: volleyball, graduation, post grad work and life, with the occasional (read frequent) sprinkling of Jaehyun catching him at the party and the variety of the younger’s facial expressions since they’d gotten closer throughout the year. 

But as exams and games flew by, everything started to blur and blend together. 

Doyoung approached him at the end of practice one day, a smug grin on his face. “Remember when I said you didn’t have anything to worry about when it came to Jaehyun? You’ve come a long way since then, haven’t you? You’ve got him holding your hand and everything.” 

“Huh?” Johnny responded dumbly, 

“Whenever he wants to get your attention, he just comes up and holds your hand. It’s gross, but I guess it’s kind of cute, too.” 

“He does _not_ , Doyoung,” Johnny huffed incredulously. “I’d notice something like that.” 

Doyoung gave him his patented look, the almost patronizing ‘you’re so daft I can’t believe I’m actually friends with you’. Johnny couldn’t help that it was out of pity rather than respect that the former didn’t vocalize the sentiment. 

“Sure, captain,” he drawled, rolling his eyes to high heaven. “Whatever you say.” 

The exchange stuck to Johnny’s mind the entirety of practice, and at the end of the day in the clubroom, he waited. Jaehyun came in soon after, pushing the last of the carts in. Once he finished changing, he reached out and grasped Johnny’s pinky and ring finger. 

Johnny felt his heart rate spike, but he waited, continuing to scroll through his phone as though he hadn’t noticed. After about a minute of nothing, Jaehyun fully intertwined his fingers with Johnny’s, and squeezed lightly. 

Johnny’s heart beat so hard, so fast, it was almost comical, and he had to fight to keep down the dopey expression threatening to overtake his face. 

Doyoung was right, but that was the least important thing to Johnny at that point. 

What was important to him was the feeling of Jaehyun’s hand in his, warm and soft, as he walked the latter to his car. 

It wasn’t until he was at home by himself that he fully realized just how deep in he was, giddy and weak at the knees. 

✲✲✲ 

It was nearly the end of his last semester, that lull right before finals and before he’d officially step down from the team and appoint the new captain for the upcoming school year, when he lay in bed, thinking only about the sensation of Jaehyun’s hand in his. 

It was late into the night, and all he could focus on was the warmth of Jaehyun’s hand, how it seemed to radiate heat from where their hands had been joined and spread it all across his body. 

He gripped his sheets and breathed sharply through his nose, letting it out in a shaky exhale. 

He closed his eyes tightly, brow furrowed as he debated. Then, all too quickly, he gave in, shoving his shorts down. He wrapped a hand around himself, letting out a muted groan at the heat surrounding him. 

With the precum that was already dribbling, he slicked his hand and began pumping rhythmically, eyes kept shut, thoughts remaining on Jaehyun. 

With a shudder, and a sigh that’s muffled against his pillows, Johnny released into his hand. For a moment, all he could do was lay there, panting, trying to steady his breath. 

He eventually rose to clean up, feeling a strange mix of guilt and excitement. He wondered if Jaehyun would hate him, for thinking about him like that, but he knew it would happen again, and couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if he was able to go further, where it was Jaehyun’s hand on him, Jaehyun in his bed. 

One late afternoon, as he watched the younger members create a group chat so they could plan a farewell party, he wondered if it was within him to be able to put everything behind him. 

✲✲✲ 

Jaehyun didn’t really want to attend the farewell party for the seniors, but with Taeyong’s gentle coaxing he found himself making the drive. 

“Come on, Jaehyun. With finals and everything, this might be the last time we see each other for a long while.” 

He sat off at the far end of the table, sullen and withdrawn, fiddling with his shot glass. 

He’d never been very good at saying goodbye, especially not when he was trying to hide how upset he was that so many of his friends were leaving. A small voice in the back of his head worried that it’d all fall flat, that the seniors were going to leave their party thinking that maybe Jaehyun didn’t really care for them as much as they had for him. 

Everyone else seemed to be taking it in stride, laughing and enjoying the dinner, going through so much beer and soju (the younger ones stick to cider) that he was sure none of them were going to be up before noon the next day. As they should, Jaehyun thought, but he still couldn’t help but be upset that the seniors were leaving, that they wouldn’t be able to play together anymore. A surge of panic hit him alongside the realization that he didn’t actually know where any of the seniors were going once the school year ended. 

With the way everyone else seemed so relaxed, he also realized that in his attempt to avoid thinking about the impending graduation, he completely forgot to actually figure out if any of his friends were still going to be in the area, if he could still realistically keep in contact with them. 

With his heart heavy with guilt, he stepped out part way through all the festivities for some air and to get his thoughts together. 

“What’re you looking so glum about?” Johnny popped out beside him almost immediately, face slightly flushed from the alcohol and heat from inside. His eyes were sparkling, filled with something that made Jaehyun feel warm and fuzzy. 

“J-just needed some air,” he stammered. 

Johnny nodded, and leaned against the wall next to him. 

“Is that all, though?” he asked, a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“It just sucks that you’re all leaving,” he finally mumbled. “Especially since I took so long to start talking.” 

He felt like a little kid, whining about something that couldn’t be helped. 

Johnny laughed and pulled him into a hug, and it’s warm, inviting, with a comforting wash of cedarwood and fresh linens that had Jaehyun involuntarily closing his eyes and melting into the embrace. 

“We’re still going to be in the area, you know,” he cooed. “You can still hang out with us whenever you want.” 

Jaehyun perked up at that. He didn’t know what their plans were after graduation; he’d been too scared to ask, because knowing would make their leaving that much more certain. 

“W-what are you doing, then?” he asked, tilting his head back to meet Johnny’s gaze. 

A small voice in the back of his mind whispered he should probably let go, but he felt so blissful in Johnny’s arms that he couldn’t bring himself to move. Johnny didn’t seem to mind either, tightening his grip a bit. 

“Our manager from back when I first started playing for the team started her own business a couple years ago. It’s grown pretty big since then, so she reached out and asked if I’d help her with PR stuff.” 

“And it’s close by?” 

“Yeah, it’s only a couple stops away,” Johnny reassured. “Taeyong got a job at a daycare and Yuta’s going to be a fitness instructor at that gym we all go to.” 

Jaehyun felt a weight lift off his chest, and he finally made to step out of the embrace, but Johnny just tugged him closer, dropping his head to rest on his shoulder. 

“I’m feeling a little lightheaded, sorry,” his breath puffed against Jaehyun’s exposed neck, so hot it’s damp, but it sent shivers down his spine. “Let’s stay like this for a little bit?” 

Jaehyun nodded a little too eagerly, melting into the embrace with a soft, happy sigh. 

“For as long as you want.” 

✲✲✲ 

Johnny remembered how he’d lamented over putting everything behind him, moving on to the life of a post-grad, leaving Jaehyun (and the team) behind in their final years of university before they too inevitably moved on and started their lives. 

He’d clung to Jaehyun that night outside the restaurant in a drunken haze, telling himself that it was likely the last time he’d see the man in a while, despite all his reassurances that he would be in the area. 

The way it was, the both of them in two different stages of life, there realistically wouldn’t be very much time for them to meet up as often as they had when he was still a student. He had already begun to experience it with Donghyuck, who’d become the manager for the Neo Zone Heroes over the summer. 

He’d clung to Jaehyun that night as a last hurrah, one final moment of indulgence before he had to move on and pass off his feelings as a fleeting crush. 

So when Jaehyun messaged him about a month after he’d passed the captain position to Doyoung, in the throes of their final matches for the school year, he couldn't help but marvel at how wrong he was. 

_jeongjaehyun xx:xx_

_Good morning Johnny-hyung!_

_I hope finals went well?_

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_Hello Jaehyun :D_

_Better than I thought!_

_How’s everything been since we left?_

_jeongjaehyun xx:xx_

_Not too bad! Doyoung-hyung says we’re going to have tryouts soon._

_But it’s really not the same without you_

_We have a practice match with astro giants next month._

_I actually wanted to ask you something about that._

Johnny felt his face burning. Had that been a typo? Or perhaps a collective ‘you’, referring to all the seniors, and not just himself like he wanted? Telling himself to calm down, he sent a simple message. 

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_What’s up?_

Calm and casual. Perfect. 

_jeongjaehyun xx:xx_

_Doyoung-hyung and I have been working on a high arc toss, but he doesn’t have the same spiking power as you do. Should I set lower, or should we just scrap the idea?_

_Oh, and will you be able to come to the game?_

Johnny sighed, running a hand down his face. He had a lot of work piled up and needed to make a bigger dent in it that he had so far, but the idea of seeing Jaehyun again, especially when he’d asked, was so _so_ tempting. 

_johnnyjsuh xx:xx_

_Yeah, I’ll go! If it’s at their gym text me the address :)_

_And what do you need high arc tosses for? The mid level ones you usually do should be fine?_

At that, a flurry of messages began to come in, and Johnny wondered what he’d just gotten himself into. 

The thought stayed in his mind as he made his way into the gym and sat somewhere in the middle of the bleachers reserved for the school. He was able to spot Jaehyun easily from his seat, and he watched with a small smile on his face. The setter spoke with the coach and Donghyuck about something before stepping away and making his way towards his position on the court. 

Then, as though he’d been called, his head shot towards Johnny’s general vicinity in the bleachers, eyes roaming carefully. And somehow, unbelievably, he was able to spot Johnny. He waved eagerly, the smile taking over his face the brightest Johnny had yet seen, almost lighting up the room. 

Johnny couldn’t help himself and waved back, both arms raised above his head. The grin on his face was so wide it hurt, but he didn’t care, not when Jaehyun’s eyes curved into those little half moons and he waved harder. 

It became a routine for the next few months. Johnny would regularly attend any of the matches that were in the area. He’d pick a seat somewhere in the middle, where he’d usually be glossed over, but Jaehyun would manage to spot him without fail each time, and wave eagerly. 

Johnny would wave back, embarrassingly dramatic and obnoxious every time, but Jaehyun’s face would always be so bright and happy that he couldn’t find it within himself to care. 

They’d begun to call each other regularly as well, almost everyday after Jaehyun got out of practice. Topics ranged anywhere from the events of practice that day, to some place Jaehyun wanted to eat, a new project Johnny had started, the strange old lady that had recently moved into his complex. 

“You don’t really ask me for advice anymore,” Johnny started one day. A part of him wondered if he’d outlived his usefulness. If Jaehyun didn’t need to make inane small talk with him anymore because he didn’t need help with volleyball anymore. 

Jaehyun hummed. “Coach talked to me the other day,” he murmured. “Said he thought I’d be a good candidate for this training camp.” 

Johnny knew what training camp he was talking about. It was one where he’d have to fly out to the States to participate in. Almost immediately a sour taste develops, and he’s forced to push it down. How cruel it would be, to try and deny Jaehyun of such an opportunity because of his own emotions. 

He wasn’t even sure if Jaehyun’s emotion reached the extent of his. 

“That’s amazing, Jaehyun! Have you thought about it yet?” he asked instead, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“I don’t really want to go, hyung,” Jaehyun sighed. “I like volleyball, but I’m not interested in going pro. There wouldn’t really be any point of me going.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Mhm. It’s fun and I know I’m really competitive, but I don’t want to make a career out of it. I want to focus on writing.”<br>

Johnny took a calming breath, trying to tamper the sudden surge of happiness he felt at that. 

“Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’ll make sure to show up to your last few games and give you all the support you need. I just hope you don’t get bored of me talking about work all the time afterwards.” He immediately winced afterwards, unintentionally having let his worries spill out. 

He found that he had nothing to worry about, however, as he listened to Jaehyun laugh on the other line. 

“I like talking to you Johnny-hyung. You could talk about anything, and I’d be happy because it’s you.” 

It was impossible for him to fall asleep that night, breathless and heart racing. 

✲✲✲ 

Taeyong was exhausted the day of the finals for the spring preliminaries, and he made it a point to tell Johnny so. 

“It’s their last game of the year, hyung, come on,” Johnny huffed, and Taeyong sighed. 

“They’ve grown a lot,” he said, eyes soft. “Are you going to come to all the games next year too?” 

Johnny bit his lip, unsure. 

“Probably,” he admitted. “Why?” 

Taeyong sighed, and shifted to that he was leaning against Johnny, warm and soothing. 

“How do you feel about Jaehyun now?” 

It was a clear nod to their conversation last year, and Johnny had to take a moment to gather his thoughts. 

“I like him,” he started slowly, eyes trained on Jaehyun’s figure down on the court. “A lot. A lot more than I ever thought I could.” 

When he looked back to gauge Taeyong’s reaction, he’s met with a soft, tender gaze. 

“When will you tell him?” 

He stuttered at that. “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if I should-” 

“You should,” Taeyong interrupted sternly. “You _have_ to.” 

“I know,” Johnny whispered. “But not today.” 

“Of course. You’ll know when.” 

✲✲✲ 

When Jaehyun’s final year rolled around and Johnny was the only one of the graduated seniors still attending the matches, he was forced to finally consider _when_ he should confess to the younger man. Or _if_. 

He wondered whether or not his actions thus far had been interpreted as they were, the work of a lovesick fool, or if they were simply seen as the actions of a caring friend. He’d rearranged his schedule many times to be able to go to a game, but wasn’t that something any supportive friend would do? Friends would text and call as often as they did, make room in their schedules to go out and eat, and watch movies. 

Once he began to look at it from that angle, he couldn’t stop. Who would be able to deny that there was a high chance of Johnny reading too much into their actions due to his own feelings, and that Jaehyun still saw him as just a friend? The thought distressed him, and he found himself lagging a bit when it came to responding to Jaehyun’s messages, unsure of what to do. 

It was close to the end of the last semester, right before finals, Johnny noted, that Jaehyun called him. 

“Are you planning on going to grad school, hyung?” there was a hint of dissatisfaction on the other line. 

“I’d like to. I just needed to work to gain some experience and save up. I’ll probably start working on apps sooner or later. Why?” 

“I’d like to go too. SMU has a master’s program I’m interested in, so I just wanted to hear what you were thinking.” 

He felt a jolt of happiness at that. That meant Jaehyun would still be in the area. 

“I think it’s a good idea. You can take a gap year if you want, or start right away.” 

Jaehyun hummed again, clearly contemplating something. 

“By the way, hyung, are you free this weekend?” 

“Uhh...hold on,” Johnny quickly checked his planner. “Yeah. The whole weekend.” 

“Can we hang out on Saturday? I have to submit a paper on Friday, but after that I’m done with finals.” 

Johnny beamed. “Of course. I’m all yours.” 

“Great! I’ll text you!” Jaehyun’s elation was almost tangible. 

Johnny’s heart sank a little, resigning to the fact that this is likely the furthest they’d ever go if he didn’t make the step to confess. He wondered what would happen if things went south. Would they be able to remain friends, or would Jaehyun become so uncomfortable that he’d have to cut all ties? 

He sighed and pushed the thought aside, instead focusing on the delight of being able to hang out with Jaehyun in person again. 

✲✲✲ 

The day began as most of their outings had. 

They met near campus, living in opposite directions since Johnny had moved to be closer to work. They walked to the train station, the trek filled with Jaehyun updating Johnny on anything he’d missed with the team, everyone’s plans after the school year ended. 

Johnny listened with a smile, commenting when needed, and in turn updated Jaehyun with whatever he knew about the seniors that had graduated with him, how Taeyong wanted to teach kids how to cook and had gone back to school to get the appropriate certifications, and how Yuta had gone back to Japan to train as a dance instructor. 

As they boarded the train, Johnny realized that he had no idea what Jaehyun had planned for them, and when he asked, he’s given a simple “Just trust me, hyung.” and he had no choice but to sit back. 

Jaehyun’s idea had been Lotte World, something that made Johnny laugh as they exited the train and made their way to the entrance. Jaehyun’s ear had turned a bright pink and he’d bashfully explained that he hadn’t been since he was small, and wanted to go with him. It was lovely, Johnny thought, that Jaehyun wanted to go with _him._

They stayed until sunset, and even then, there was a good chunk of the park left unexplored. With the promise that they’d come back again once their schedules allowed, they left the park in search of food. 

Johnny simply followed, allowing Jaehyun to tug him to and fro, wondering aloud what stall they could stop at next. 

He wondered too, if the moment could last forever, just him and Jaehyun, hands clasped, going anywhere and everywhere. 

So he did nothing to change what they had. It was perfect, wonderful, and precious, and Johnny didn’t want to lose it, feeling like he’d burst any second with how happy he was. 

Whenever Jaehyun turned to ask him a question, all he could do was beam, and every time, without fail, Jaehyun would smile back, shy but brilliant. 

As all things did, the moment finally had to come to an end so they could catch the last train home. They made their way to the train station, a comfortable silence between them. 

Johnny squeezed Jaehyun’s hand a little tighter, and tugged him a little closer. Jaehyun complied almost immediately, pressing himself against the taller man’s arm. 

It wasn’t until they were almost back to where they’d started, near campus, that Jaehyun broke the silence. “Hyung, can I ask you something?” At Johnny’s assent, he continued. 

“Do you like me?” 

At that moment, Johnny felt as though he’d been submerged in ice. All the warmth and happiness from just seconds earlier felt like they’d been destroyed, snatched from him. He felt lightheaded, almost woozy from how hard it was to breathe suddenly. 

“I-” 

He couldn’t even begin to form his thoughts, let alone the words that needed to be spoken. In a moment of clarity, he realized he should probably let go of Jaehyun’s hand, and tried to tug his hand away. 

But Jaehyun wouldn’t let go, instead tightened his grip and used Johnny’s action to move himself closer. They were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, the late hour and the fact that it was the weekend granting them reprieve from the prying eyes of students that would’ve otherwise been teeming. 

“Hyung, calm down, it’s okay.” 

Johnny refused to look at him, instead staring at his feet, trying to level his breathing. 

“Hyung-” Jaehyun let go of Johnny’s hand with a small noise of exasperation and reached up, cupping the taller man’s face between his hands, forcing eye contact. Then he smiled, something small but hopeful. “Do you really like me?” he whispered. 

From somewhere Johnny managed to let out a strangled noise, but was otherwise silent. 

“Donghyuck and Doyoung-hyung told me, mostly because you kept making the time to come to the games. I thought maybe they were just saying that to make me happy, but they were so adamant…” Jaehyun trailed off, eyes flickering across Johnny’s features, desperately searching for something. “...but if you did that because you really do like me- I hope they’re not wrong hyung, because I like you a lot. I-I think I’m in love with you.” 

“Wh-what?” Johnny finally managed to choke out. 

Jaehyun nodded, closing his eyes. 

“I love you, hyung. Do you-” 

“Yes,” Johnny whispered, reaching up to cup Jaehyun’s face and tug him closer. “I love you, I love you so so much, Jaehyun. I-” he cut himself off in favor of leaning in, finally, _finally_ pressing his lips against Jaehyun’s. 

It was a soft, genuine kiss that had stars bursting in Johnny’s vision, his giddy happiness from earlier returning tenfold. He shifted his grip and pulled Jaehyun closer, wanting to feel his body against his. 

The kiss deepened, both of them losing themselves within it, forgetting everything around them in favor of each other. It struck Johnny when he felt something pressing against his thigh, and realized with a jolt that he’d slotted a leg between Jaehyun’s in the attempt to bring him closer. 

“S-shit,” he gasped. “I’m sorry.” 

Jaehyun shook his head frantically, panting, his mouth spit-slick and red. Johnny pressed a finger against the swollen lips despite himself, tempted to kiss him senseless again. But he withheld, a little more cognizant of his surroundings than before. 

“My place is five minutes away,” Jaehyun rasped. “Do you…” 

Johnny nodded eagerly, complying as Jaehyun bodily dragged him with a newfound strength. 

They just barely managed to kick off their shoes, shedding each other's outerwear as they stumbled into the bedroom. Despite the slight difference in height, Johnny seemed to dwarf Jaehyun. 

All Jaehyun could do was cling to him, gasping for air when it was granted. He fell back onto the bed when Johnny finally released him, bouncing a bit on the mattress. Johnny followed, feverishly pressing his mouth against any exposed surface, leaving a trail of pinpricks down the column of his throat. 

Jaehyun tugged at the hem of Johnny’s shirt, and pulled it off in one swift motion when the other sat back, doing the same with his own. 

Johnny, in the meantime, had lifted himself onto the bed, trapping Jaehyun’s frame between his thighs. His arms came up around Jaehyun's neck again, and he swallowed another one of his moans, every time he touched the skin near the waist of Jaehyun's jeans. Johnny shifted so he could slot a thigh between Jaehyun’s legs again, pressing lightly. Jaehyun audibly groaned, and his hips bucked at the action. 

At Johnny’s grunt of approval, he continued to motion, grinding himself against the taller man’s thigh. His head fell back with a breathy gasp, breaking the kiss. 

Johnny leaned his forehead against Jaehyun's collarbone, breath hot and damp against the sensitive skin. Despite the balmy weather outside, it felt like the middle of summer in the room, their body heat going up and up and up with each passing minute. "Jaehyun…" he groaned, reveling in the breathy moan it drew from the man. 

Jaehyun stopped the motion of his hips, and Johnny pulled back, scooting backward until he could find purchase on the buckle of his belt, the button and zipper of his pants, shucking everything down and reaching forward to do the same to Jaehyun. 

He complied readily, legs falling open and hips raising off the bed slightly so Johnny can pull, remove the remaining barriers between them. 

It was…an oddly pleasing sensation, having someone else have that much of a hold of him, Johnny thought. Especially when it was Jaehyun, where they were, so very close to revealing all of themselves to one another, something that he had thought so impossible that he almost hadn’t been able to bring himself to even dream of it. It was still too hard to believe, so Johnny dragged his eyes along Jaehyun's neck, along the scattering of marks _he’d_ created, pulled his gaze down the expanse of that heaving chest, continued lower and lower and tried to commit all of it to memory. 

Jaehyun was so white, so pale from head to toe, gleaming slightly in the dim light of his room. The skin around his groin is pale like the rest of him, his member equally so, barring the flush pink head, already dribbling precome. There wasn’t anything about him that wasn’t perfect, Johnny thought as he reached out to wrap a hand around the leaking member. His eyes flickered up to Jaehyun’s face, just in time to see him flinch at the touch, bite his lip something fierce to hold back a sudden moan. Johnny pumped his hand steadily, slicking it up with precome just as he had with himself all those months ago. 

Johnny crowded around Jaehyun, towering over him and making him feel uncharacteristically small. He reached out shakily to take Johnny’s cock into his right hand. Compared to his, to the rest of him- he pulled his eyes back up to Johnny's face, and the former setter was struck by the thought that Johnny was Adonis incarnate, inhumanly gorgeous and perfect in every way, with his tanned skin and carved body looming over him, expression intent as he drank in every little sound he drew from Jaehyun. 

His thoughts abandoned him when movement added to touch, and Jaehyun continued to cling to Johnny as the latter pumped him slowly. He thumbed the tip, and Jaehyun jerked against him violently, his left arm sliding against Johnny’s shoulder. 

Johnny went back and forth between kissing Jaehyun's neck and sucking on it; the idea of marking up that pale flawless skin, making sure everyone knew he, body and soul, belonged to the deity below him was too enticing to ignore. 

He muffled a yelp when Jaehyun's ministrating hand worked towards the hilt and soft fingertips started stroking and pushing, and Johnny started moving his hand faster than intended. He couldn't recall who caused what—did his fast strokes make Jaehyun climax first, pushing his hand to tighten just right so he came? Or was it vice versa, that the grip, hot and burning and almost suffocating, the shock that ran through his body as he became spent was the trigger for Jaehyun's release? 

Most of the emission was from Johnny, splattering, spreading all up Jaehyun’s body, covering his abdomen and chest, some stray threads of slick, almost shimmery in the light, cum making it all the way to his chin. Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind, pushing himself up, pressing his body against Johnny’s so he could steal a raw, bruising kiss. As their torsos pressed together, Johnny could feel the cum between them, mixing spreading, creating a bigger mess. 

But he couldn’t bring himself to care, bring himself to pull away from Jaehyun’s enticing mouth that seemed to be trying to suck all the air out of him. 

Jaehyun finally pulled away with a lewd pop, tendrils of saliva continuing to connect the two of them. He fell back on the bed, panting lightly. 

And suddenly Johnny's hands were on his hips again, large and warm against his skin, but only to pull him up onto his knees and then to his feet. 

“Where’s your bathroom?” 

Jaehyun put a hand at Johnny's elbow and ushered him to the bathroom, watching as the latter fiddled with his tub and started running the shower. He quickly ducked back to his room to grab a fresh change of clothes and strip the sheets. He did it fairly quickly, and when he returned to the bathroom, Johnny eyed the shorter male up and down before smiling ever so gently. He reached for Jaehyun's cheek, rubbed the pad of his thumb along the cheekbone, and then kissed Jaehyun's forehead once more before pulling him into the shower. 

It was like a dream, Jaehyun thought under the warm spray of the showerhead and Johnny’s strong, attentive hands lathering him with soap. Like something out of a drama, or a romance novel. He turned to face Johnny, tilting his head upwards just right so he could slot his mouth against his lover’s before taking the loofah out of his hands so he could give him the same love and attention. 

They dry off quickly, Jaehyun handing over the set of clothes he’d taken out for the man before dressing quickly himself. Johnny pulled on the sweatpants easily, and moved to throw on the sweatshirt, when something caused him to pause. 

He held the garment up to his nose and inhaled deeply. It had that characteristic earthy, floral scent that Johnny had long since imprinted in his mind. 

He felt as though he was suspended in time, going through motions and senses that he wasn’t all too sure were real. 

He slowly pulled the lightly scented sweatshirt over his head, and obligingly sat on the closed toilet seat when Jaehyun tugged at his arm. It sparked memories of the past year, when the setter would try to get his attention by childishly tugging at his wristband. 

Jaehyun gently toweled his hair dry, leaning in every now and then to pepper soft kisses all along his face. Johnny followed, and when they were both dry enough to avoid any fears of catching a cold overnight, they retired to bed, curling up in each other’s arms so easily it was as if they’d always done it. 

They lay there, looking into each other’s eyes, not wanting to say anything, but at the same time everything. 

But now they have all the time in the world, Jaehyun thought. There was no longer any rush, any panic. They could slowly, steadily, continue to share, learn about each other. Finally be together. 

Eventually they fell asleep, and Johnny’s last thought was that it was a wonderful thing, having Jaehyun in his arms, finally his, and that all the uncertainty and nights of unrest had been worth it, if this was what he had fought for. 

✲✲✲ 

A few hours later, he woke up. It was that odd hour right before sunrise, and a soft light filtered through the gap in Jaehyun’s curtains, but not harsh enough to break sleep. 

He turned to his side, coming face to face with a slumbering Jaehyun. He reached out to trace the slope of his nose, almost unsure if what had happened was just a dream, and that he’d wake up in his own bed any moment, alone. 

He brushed the fringe away from Jaehyun’s forehead and leaned in to press a soft kiss against it. Jaehyun shuffled at that, and his eyes fluttered open. Johnny watched as he slowly woke up, arching his back slightly. He met the older man’s gaze and smiled softly, and he looked so beautiful, hair mussed from sleep and Johnny’s fingers, eyes still a little bleary. 

“Hi,” he whispered, and his eyes were so full, of warmth and love and happiness, that Johnny felt his own burn with tears. 

He leant down, pressing a fervent kiss against his mouth. Jaehyun complied readily, mouth opening with a breathy sigh, and hand coming up to curl into his hair. 

“Hey,” Johnny pulled back, breathless. A part of him still couldn’t believe that Jaehyun loved him back. But laying in bed with the man, able to identify each and every of the torrent of emotions running through his eyes, it was becoming easier. 

Neither of them had been alone in their feelings, that made the moment that much sweeter. 

“Do you have any plans for today?” Jaehyun asked after a while. Johnny grinned and shook his head. 

“I’m all yours.” 

✲✲✲ 

“How’re you doing?” Jaehyun asked, toying with the ruffled edges of his manuscript. 

Johnny looked up from his food, brushing the remains of a croissant off his fingers. He’s struck with how similar the posturing was to all those years ago, when Taeyong approached him regarding Jaehyun. 

Now, all those years later, it was Jaehyun asking the question. 

He wondered how differently things would’ve turned out had Jaehyun not asked him personally to attend that game. Would they have still gotten together? Or would he have been left reminiscing over a one sided love? 

“Pretty good, actually,” he said instead. “My finalized board is due soon, but I’m pretty much done, and Professor Yoon offered me an accounts position at his agency.” 

Jaehyun’s expression brightened at that. 

“That’s really great, hyung. We should celebrate once you finish. I’ll be done around then as well.” 

It was at Jaehyun’s urging that Johnny went back to obtain his master’s; he was well into completing his own program as well. 

Now they were living together, and Johnny can’t help but be in awe of how perfectly the future seemed to line up for him. 

“How’s that going?” he asked, gesturing towards Jaehyun’s work. The man smiles shyly, straightening out the stack of papers and pushing it towards him. 

“It’s done, actually. I already submitted it to the editor, but I wanted to know what you thought, too.” 

Johnny grinned and reached forward to brush a stray lock off his _boyfriend’s_ forehead. Even after all those years, the term sent his heart into a pitter patter. 

He was hyper-aware of the small box sitting snug in his coat pocket, and hopes that the future will continue to be generous to him, and that Jaehyun will remain by his side. 

Jaehyun’s responding smile to the gesture is bright and glowing, breaking through the gloom of the winter, and he can’t help but listen to the voice in the back of his mind when it tells him that everything will be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> fun trivia fact: jaehyun was originally going to be a manager, and johnny would've been like a flirty kuroo taken to the extreme, but somehow along the way it got retconned into something a little more intimate, like kuroo and kenma's relationship, though jaehyun is quite a bit more outgoing and social in comparison
> 
> please let me know your thoughts in the comments, and stay safe and healthy <3
> 
>   
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